Celebration of Life and After
This video was shown at Jason's Celebration of Life Service in Windham, Maine on Friday, September 28, 2018. Credit to my friend, Bonnie Scoggins for her hard work making!
Program
Made by my Mama, Teresa Murphrey
Remember Me
Do not shed tears when I have gone
but smile instead because I have lived.
Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I’ll come back
but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.
I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me
but still I want you to be full of the love that we shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only
for yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because
of what happened between us yesterday.
You can remember me and grieve that I have gone
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose yourself, become distraught and turn your back on the world or you can do what I would want
smile, wipe away the tears, learn to love again and go on.
~David Harkins
Annalise and I posing with all her "aunts" and "uncles" at Pat's Pizza in Windham after the Celebration of Life
Annalise with a few of her "uncles"
after spreading her Daddy's ashes
At the bottom, I have included 2 newspaper
article obituaries that were Maine newspapers.
I've been wanting to write one more blog for some time. But what do I say?
I debated whether or not to share this experience that Diana and I had together because it was so special to us, but wanted to share because it may help someone reading in some way! Annalise and I flew to Maine for Christmas 2018. Within a few days of Christmas, it snowed (Annalise's 1st snow!). That morning, we went to Chute's (Jason's favorite breakfast spot) with Jason's Aunt Sue and Uncle Charlie for brunch. Afterwards, I decided that we needed to go try and find a way to get to Jason's resting place via land so we wouldn't end up going home without going to 'see' him. Annalise fell asleep on the car ride and we were not dressed appropriately for the snow! But I felt the tug to go. Jude sat in the car with the baby. Diana and I went trekking through unknown territory looking for the location closest to where we laid Jason to rest. And we really had no clue where we were going. Lucky for us, not only had it snowed that morning, but someone had been walking that morning and there were footprints which we decided to follow. And those footprints led us straight there! Or at least VERY close. We spent just a few moments together out there telling Jason 'Merry Christmas' and 'We love you' among other things and walked back. Good timing because Annalise had just woken up! As we headed back home, something dawned on me and I broke into tears. We didn't just follow one set of footprints to that spot-there were actually two. That person had taken a dog on a walk that morning. And, if it hadn't snowed or we had gone any other day, there would be no footprints!
When we spread Jason's ashes, we spread him with the ashes of his dog growing up: Star. Seriously---my heart was so broken and happy at the same time!
There are so many thoughts and emotions that I could express. And, my thoughts change daily. They don't encompass me and everything I do, but when I do think about things, I try to let my thoughts direct me positively. I tear up maybe once a day, but I let it stop at just tears. I think about something positive to make myself smile. Sometimes, I tear up and then smile when I see Annalise do something. Sometimes, I just grab her and give her a hug. Sometimes, we go for a walk to "change the subject" of my thoughts! I've changed the way I look at life for sure! Having a baby and a loss of the love of my life-it's all a big balance! 10 months later though and my grieving has just led me to think about life differently. I have to think about how Annalise's life would have been different with a 'sick' Daddy. I would do anything I can to get him back, so DO NOT get me wrong, but she is just able to go and do anything and everything and have the attention that any child deserves from their parent. I look at what I do have instead of what I don't. I look at it this way: I do have enough, I am not in need of anything because I have a child that I can pour my love and energy in to. I need to be happy with myself and who I am, which I remind myself when I get lonely.
I'm in the process of making some big life decisions for Annalise and I! We have been shopping for a house in North Carolina since January. We've been shopping maybe 5 times, but we took a small break to travel to Florida and Maine this summer and we have several other family/group vacations planned too. We did put an offer in on a house, but it wasn't accepted, so it must not have been the one for us! We developed a lot of relationships in Georgia, but I moved there for Jason and his job was there. I am currently not working, so there are no ties in those regards to Georgia. I feel pulled to be close to my home and friends. We are looking in the Wake Forest area, which is about an hour to an hour and 15 minutes away from my home town, while offering me proximity to a big city (Raleigh) like I'm used to. It offers many opportunities for good schools, activities, and job opportunities for me eventually. I'm not looking for a job at all at the moment, as I have embraced the opportunity to be able to be a stay at home mom and I'm trying to enjoy the moments. I read a meme back in May (I know this because I took a screenshot!) that said "Being a mother while trying to repair yourself mentally and emotionally is the hardest thing to ever take on" I don't really have anything to compare it to, so I'm not sure this is the case for me. Also, being a single mother is hard, but again, I have nothing to compare and contrast it with. I just go day by day and do the best I can for each day. Annalise thinks I'm the greatest person ever (if I could only be who she thinks I am!) and is happy, so I must be doing something right :)
I always want to welcome Jason's name in any conversation, so I often bring him up first to give others permission to do so! I hope I'm not too annoying with it, but talking about events or these topics help me as much as it helps who I am talking to! Often, I share stuff that happens or that I remember or that I miss often. Sometimes, something comes out that I've never shared with several people hearing, and a lot of the time with just Annalise hearing. For example, on my way to Maine and while in the Atlanta airport, Annalise and I ate lunch at Cafe Intermezzo. There is another location in midtown Atlanta that Jason took me on a date back in December 2012. I told Annalise about that date, and it isn't a date that I've really shared with anyone-definitely not a side of Jason that many people have seen either. He took me to the Botanical Garden lights at Christmas time, and after we went to this cafe where I remember having hot chocolate spiked with a raspberry liquor. I have a terrible memory and don't often remember many details, but I do remember that drink. As I got to know Jason, I remember this date because he did not do romantic dates like this often and I can look back and know that he thought I was special early on to give me this side of him <3
I ache to the core knowing that Annalise will not remember her first 3 months with her Daddy. It is beyond unfair. While I am grateful for that time he did have with her, I feel like this ache will never go away. Jason is not physically here, but he is and will always be her Daddy. That being said, I did promise Jason that Annalise would know who he was, and I've kept that promise. I've made some decisions based off of this promise too. I have put together a trunk with much of Jason's belongings that will be out in a living area, even in our future new home. It has work items, college items, awards, pictures, scrapbooks-oh just so much stuff full to the brim so we can go in it any time she wants to learn about her Daddy. Our plan is to come to Maine as often as Jason would have-in the winter (he came for Christmas) and in the summer (we are here now!) I have been able to FaceTime Diana and Jude once a week, just as Jason used to do! We went on a family trip with Jason's family back in April. Diana and Jude have flown to Atlanta twice. I know that at some point it may be hard with changing dynamics/jobs/relationships, but it isn't hard at all right now. It takes effort from all sides to keep these connections-to put aside our own emotions with this loss and not hide from them. I feel that Jason's family, including friends, are mine-wholeheartedly! I am sending friends updates regularly (If you text me, you'll get pictures!) and they send her more love that I had imagined. We traveled to Florida to visit Jason's friends (mine too!) Tim and Nicole at the end of June (we wanted to drive to FL while we still lived in GA). On July 5, his guys poured a few beers in his memory out on the boat!
Adie, Casey and Steve pouring a few beers for Jason on July 5, 2019. Hopefully, this will be an annual summer tradition!
Overall, I think I am doing OK. I think that Diana, Jude, and Jen are doing OK. I think our familes are doing OK. And, I think our friends and neighbors are doing OK. We are talking with one another and getting through it. I have felt 100% supported in my thoughts, decisions, plans, and feelings. 10 months after losing Jason, there have been many firsts, including first birthdays, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first anniversary without him. But like I said earlier with looking at life differently, I have to look at all the firsts this year has brought in a positive way. Annalise has had a full year of first, a highlight being our daughter's first birthday. A first year of life with more joy than I can describe (photo credit to Christina Valentine photography of Tarboro, NC)! And she is so much like her Daddy too-determined, adventurous, and bright. Please continue to reach out to me. Please continue to pray for our strength and healing. My email address is still the same: lizmyersunc@gmail.com. I mentioned earlier that I have a trunk full of memories of Jason. I also mentioned that I want Annalise to know who her Daddy was. I only hold a small percentage of the memories of Jason, so we would love for you to share yours. Email me or send us memories or a letter. I will save it all for Annalise in the trunk to have and go to when she needs it. We love and appreciate all of you!
Newspaper obituaries:
Jason Jacobe: A man who contributed to others in a positive way passes at 34 from ALS in The Windham Eagle by Matt Pascarella, a high school class mate
Feature Obituary: Jason Jacobe, 34 Windham High School Standout Athlete, Valedictorian in The Press Herald by Melanie Creamer
I was having trouble viewing this with the only link there is, so here is the article in another format to see the article:
